When Life Shifts: Navigating Big Transitions as a Man
Life doesn’t always follow a straight line. Sometimes it throws a curveball; other times it slowly drifts off course until you barely recognize where you are—or who you’ve become. For many men, transitions like becoming a father, moving for work, or changing careers can quietly unravel the sense of identity we thought we had figured out.
And if you’ve grown up in a world where being a “real man” meant working with your hands, staying tough, and keeping quiet about emotions, those shifts can feel especially disorienting.
I know that tension personally.
From Blue Collar Roots to a Desk and a Degree (or Three)
I grew up in a blue-collar family. Hard work wasn’t optional—it was expected. You showed up, you didn’t complain, and you kept things moving. There’s something deeply grounding about that way of life: the pride of a job well done, the camaraderie of shared labour, the value placed on grit and loyalty.
But my path led somewhere different.
Over time, I found myself pulled toward something that felt out of step with the world I was raised in—academia. One degree turned into two, and eventually, a Master’s. I now spend my days in an office, sitting with people in their stories, offering support, guidance, and space to process what they’re going through.
I was never on the job site myself, but that world—the mindset, the values, the work ethic—is still a big part of who I am. Stepping into a different space, like therapy or higher education, doesn’t erase that. But it can feel like living between two identities—and that in-between space can be lonely when you don’t have the words for it.
When Our Role Shifts, Our Identity Gets Shaken
For many men, life transitions hit at the core of who we believe we’re supposed to be. A new job can feel like a demotion in pride even if it’s a promotion in status. Becoming a father can feel like gaining everything and losing yourself at the same time. Moving provinces can feel like starting fresh—but also like leaving behind the version of yourself that made sense.
And layered over all of this are the subtle, powerful messages many of us grew up with about manhood:
Be strong.
Don’t be too emotional.
Take care of others before yourself.
Work hard, stay quiet, and don’t ask for help.
When life starts shifting, those messages can suddenly feel like a trap. They don’t leave a lot of room for doubt, fatigue, grief, or change. And if you’re trying to grow, those old expectations can become barriers instead of guideposts.
Letting Go of “What a Man Should Be” and Embracing Who You Are
So how do we make peace with change while holding onto who we are?
1. Recognize That Change Doesn’t Mean You’ve Failed
Feeling off-balance during transitions is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human.
2. Get Honest About What’s Yours and What’s Theirs
Some expectations we carry aren’t really ours. They come from family, culture, church, or community. Sorting out what to keep and what to release is part of becoming your own man.
3. Know That You’re Allowed to Redefine Strength
Strength can mean leading your family. It can also mean being honest when you feel lost. It can mean being tough in the face of hardship, and soft when your kids need a hug.
4. Let Others Have Their Opinions—And Keep Moving Anyway
Not everyone will understand your choices. That’s okay. Growth requires courage, not consensus.
5. Stay Rooted in Who You’re Becoming
You’re not abandoning your roots by evolving. You’re honouring your past while building a future that reflects the man you are today.
Transitions aren’t just logistical—they’re deeply personal. And while they can shake us, they also hold the power to shape us into something more whole, more aligned, and more free.
If you’re in the middle of one, take heart. You’re not broken—you’re becoming. One step at a time.